Know a good Programmers joke that’s missing here? Please contact us for more information! A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road where do programmers hang out the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.
The project manager said: “Let’s catch a cab and in ten minutes we’ll reach our destination. The computer programmer said: “We have here the driver’s guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive. The computer operator said: “First of all, let’s turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem. Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: “try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again. A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting.
They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. I know,” said the Departmental Manager, “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.
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No, no,” said the Hardware Engineer, “That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I’ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way. Well,” said the Software Engineer, “Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again. Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day? Give him a bottle of shampoo which says “lather, rinse, repeat. Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
Have you heard about the object-oriented way to become wealthy? If you can touch it and you can see it, it’s REAL. If you can touch it but you can’t see it, it’s TRANSPARENT. If you can’t touch it but you can see it, it’s VIRTUAL. If you can’t touch it and you can’t see it, it’s GONE. If you can pick it up, it’s a PC. If you can’t pick it up but you can push it over, it’s a minicomputer.
But when you can’t pick it up or knock it over, it’s a mainframe. Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting “F1 F1” and nobody understood it. The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: “Can’t you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health! The boy replies back: “Darling, I am a programmer.
We don’t worry about warnings, we only worry about errors. Jack was a COBOL programmer in the mid to late 1990s. He’d become a private consultant specializing in Year 2000 conversions. Several years of this relentless, mind-numbing work had taken its toll on Jack.